A warm and loving welcome to all the seekers of truth who have chanced upon this website containing several miraculous narratives of my spiritual journey, inspired art work as well as precious hymns spontaneously blessed by the Divine Child Goddess, Sri Bala TripuraSundari.
My name is Uma Kumar, and I live in New York. From a very early age, I was deeply fascinated by the fundamental questions that plague all of us.
“What is the purpose of my life?”, “Does God really exist?”, “Is it really necessary to adhere to the many rituals prescribed in our shastras?”,’ What does nirvana or liberation really mean?”.
I was strongly pulled and intrigued by the philosophy of Advaita which made a lot of sense to me and provided answers to the many questions I had.
Nevertheless, I had to go through a long period of sadhana or Karma yoga which enabled me to progress from accepting the Divine Force or the Intelligent Principle as existing outside or external to me, and then understand and “experience” that supreme force as the prevailing “in dweller” within me and indeed the enlivening power in all aspects of the Universe.
This whole process has taken several decades. I am indeed indebted to many teachers, Gurus as well as powerful, intense, incredible experiences that guided me well on the spiritual path. What is important to note is that this progress, or “re orientation” happened in the most natural, organic way. During the long process and as I understood or caught glimpse of the “Truth”, I found myself casting away a lot of ideas that were embedded in my mind from childhood due to the family environment.
I slowly realized that many habits, fears and traditions were holding me back from understanding my true nature.
Finally, one day, after a powerful Kundalini experience, in 2011, I understood the invincible link between me and the Universe. In fact, I am that Divinity which empowers the Cosmos.
One by one, all the many layers that I had accumulated, perhaps from vasanas, strongly embedded habits built over many past births, etc. dropped off!
I could hear that Divine Force within me clearly and unmistakably!
Please bear in mind that I had to go through years of self-doubt. Yet, if I can say one thing for certain now, the search has ended. There are no doubts. There is no need for me to undertake pilgrimages or meet Gurus, impress them or attain mantra Deeksha or seek initiation. I say this not out of “arrogance”. It is the simple truth.
There is no need for me to seek public attention or put out YouTube videos giving people a workshop or lessons on how to go within and discover his or her true self. The simple reason is because even the desire to be placed on the spiritual path must necessarily spring from within oneself. The initial urge to understand more about the purpose of human birth and later, the goal, of liberation, must come about in a very natural way.
All of us are at various stages of evolution on the spiritual path. Let me emphasize that if your instincts guide you to understand more about your real nature, and if your seeking is sincere and earnest, then Nature or Divine Force will guide you by linking you with a person or an angel who can lead you on the correct path!
Now, coming back to the present moment, I’ve written a compilation of hymns given to me by “Sri Bala”. In previous years, a lot of artworks I did were also inspired by her.
Who is Bala? Isn’t it a contradiction if I’m talking about the Divine Force as the formless, nameless, eternal principle of creation and then tell you there exists a Goddess, a Divine child who is external to me, who is granting me visions, and blessing me in the form of a young girl?
Well, the answer is both “yes” and “no”.
Sri Bala is the spirit of innocence and truth. While it is true She has guided me in the beginning as a deity external to me. I have understood now that she is that spark of Divine Energy that is within all of us, empowering, guiding, educating and instructing us in this journey of life.
Thirty years ago, I used to get visions of various deities, and I was instructed to paint them while reciting their specific mantras or slokas. This carried on for fifteen years during which I came to surrender at the feet of Sri Bala Tripurasundari.
However, Sri Bala has always worked from within my heart, inspiring and instructing me to perform many actions.
I was never an artist, yet she made me do works of art. The drawings commenced in the year 2002 following a very intense dream experience. I was living in London at that time. One early morning on a Friday, I had a strange dream wherein I’m visiting a temple. I have described this initial experience vividly on my website. In short, I had the greatest fortune of witnessing the most Divine, Goddess Bala as a tremendous, fiery ball of light, entering me or was it myself merging into Her? I was given a glimpse of her form both as a young maiden as well as an older woman. She took my left hand in hers and struck it several times saying She is always within me and there is no difference between us!
This episode happened on a full moon day in the month of April 2002 . I had the vision of the great goddess in the form of light and then with an enchanting form.
I started to draw this divine vision, and this was followed by drawings of various other Shakthi Goddesses. Over the next decade, I would get dreams where deities would give me an unforgettable darshan and this would be followed by art works. I’m not a trained artist and not inclined to draw or paint. Yet, I would get out a large piece of paper, think of the specific deity, pray with all my heart for guidance and then begin drawing. Within a few minutes or hours, I would complete the sketch. Initially, the drawings were in black ink. Later, I started using acrylic paints, dazzling gold paint to highlight the jewelry adorning these wondrous deities. It was as though someone else took over my mind when I sat down to paint. This someone, unseen, was giving me suggestions and guiding me the whole time until each painting was finished. I would immerse myself in listening to sacred chants or slokas while doing the artwork. By the time I finished the painting, I could not believe my eyes! So much perfection and attention to detail in each piece!!
Unknowingly, I had embarked on a long and arduous sadhana or “tapas”. Hours would fly by, and I really don’t know how I got the energy to execute hundreds of paintings in the decade that followed. The first set of hundred paintings have been given away to Sri Bala Peetam, Nemili, at her request. She reminded me, that it was She who had given me the ability to paint. I could not claim “ownership” over the paintings.
The process of executing the paintings was the method Bala utilized to transform me from a worldly person into someone who began to withdraw from external world, and slowly connect with Her and experience unparalleled peace and joy.
From the year 2011 for another decade, these paintings poured forth. My concentration and meditation deepened. The mind slowly became empty of thoughts other than the deity I was painting. The many hours I spent on painting, in fact from dawn to dusk, were my penance, except, I didn’t think it was hard. I was enjoying every moment of being close to that supreme Consciousness, in the form of deities.
In the year 2022, the paintings gradually came to a stop.
Another path opened or was directed by the Divine Force. I was told to start composing songs in praise of Sri Bala.
On Guru Purnima day, July 13th, 2022, Sri Bala blessed me with 31 verses in her praise. This is a lovely composition where I express my “oneness” with her as my loving child as well as mother. Thus began another period in my life.
In the following years, more works have been completed, including a massive work of over 900 verses in the Sri Bala Shanmatha Mahatmyam, where she states she is the presiding deity of all the six sects or systems of worship. Shanmatham, centers on the worship of the six primary deities of Hinduism: Ganapathy, Shiva, Vishnu, Skanda, Shakthi or Devi and Surya.
In the Sahasra Ashtothram, over 1008 lines of praises have been directly blessed by Bala and many given in Sanskrit which is a language I really don’t know well at all.
Similarly, Sri Bala Trisathi is a work where the most secret Shodashi Mantra has been given by Bala, in a hymn that sings her praises exclusively.
Then, there is Sri Bala Suprabatham, which is to be sung at dawn , calling on her to arise and bless the Universe, Sri Bala Pija Vidhi that focuses on the correct mode to worship her, in our hearts. The list is endless and those reading the songs or listening to the compositions are sure to be blessed by Divine Grace.
Regardless of whether the words are expressed in Tamil or in Sanskrit, I never fail to be awed by the swiftness with which they arrive. I might be busy with mundane household chores like cooking or cleaning. However, when a voice in my mind directs me to sit down and write, I never question it. Many times, I’ve been woken up in the middle of night to write down the songs. Although initially, I was amazed and questioned myself whether it was my own mind playing tricks or if indeed there was a divine source for these compositions, every time, a strong confirmation would come from Sri Bala within. Cosmic Force would see to it that I am completely energized by the signs I receive!!
Most recently, in the early hours of September 22nd, 2024, I got a resounding confirmation from Sri Bala that it is She, as supreme Consciousness who is guiding and directing me to write these songs in Her praise.
It is the connection I have been blessed with that is important to observe. When a person’s mind is pure and all negativities are removed, the inner light of Divinity shines forth. I call this unique connection ‘Bala” and her form as a young child is most attractive and appealing to my mind.
Each one of us has a different agenda in life that is carried out through the blessings of Divine Force.
Perhaps, in my case, the process of doing paintings or composing hymns and poems in praise of Divine Mother, is the inherent ability that has been graciously assigned by Natural Forces.
Just like the paintings, these songs come at the command of Divine will. I cannot predict when it might happen.
I invite all of you to dive deep into listening or reading these compositions with the complete understanding that you are in deep sync with Divine Force during that time.
There can never be one unique method to establish connection with the inner self. However, if I can give you a suggestion, based on my own experience, it is this:
First, one must yearn sincerely to know the truth and purpose of human birth. We are all striving to attain infinite happiness, peace and security in life. Yet, we are going about this in the wrong way.
No amount of money, success, fame, good relationships, etc., can ever give us permanent happiness since these come from a changing and unstable world. Any object you own, money, wealth, etc. can arrive as well as depart during your lifetime. The nature of worldly possessions and objects is finite, subject to change and is bound to decay and perish. They can never give complete happiness or fulfillment.
But there is one source of joy, a treasure within us that is always an inexhaustible source of joy! What is that?
Quite simply, the connection a person establishes with his true inner self. The physical body is subject to decay, but the indweller, the supreme brahman or Divine Force, the creator principle or Atma, or Bala as I call her in this context, is imperishable and eternal.
Understanding this truth is the first step.
Dwelling on the truth, moving away from the worldly distractions is the second step. I’m not saying here one should neglect his or her family responsibilities or duties. Money is important and necessary to lead a good life. Yet, a balance must be maintained whereby a person can lead an integrated life filled with values.
The third step is acquisition of good values. Cultivation of virtues and shunning immoral, unethical actions are very important
Once a person has purified himself at the mental level, the process of going within can start.
Fourth step is being exposed to the correct teachings or philosophy . Truth is very simple. You must be in constant awareness of the Divine Force enlivening you from inside. Understand, your birth as a human being is a gift from the Cosmic Force. Learn to appreciate this presence in all living beings and live in constant “awareness” of this inner source of power.
Treat both the body and mind well. Establish a deep connection within yourself and the natural environment outside.
When purity exists, the light shines forth as if from a sparkling crystal, helping all those in its orbit.
Of course, our past Karmas and their consequences are an important factor in determining whether one can qualify to enter the spiritual path.
The words I write today have their source in the innermost recesses of my heart.
My aim is to help others around me to glimpse the truth and become a better reflection of the Divine nature which is their true self!
The paintings I did in the past, the compositions and songs that came later and indeed these words I write today are all proof of the Divine connection I have. Whether I call this “Bala” or Atma, or Brahman or Divine Force is irrelevant.
The process of aligning oneself is all we must work towards. In my case, even this connection came naturally. I’ve given you some tips for establishing this connection. Try it out and see for yourself!
This website contains a spiritual diary of sorts, detailing my earliest experiences, cataloguing numerous pilgrimages I undertook, interesting mystics I met and several arduous treks I made to visit caves where Siddhars meditated, etc. Each incident was part of my learning process. I hope you are inspired to start an unique journey of your own!!
I wish all of you great success in your spiritual progress. May you all establish that internal alignment with your inner Divine self and enjoy life with all its varied hues, sorrow, laughter, problems, solutions, etc. until you reach the plane of total tranquility and absence of fear.
Remember, your journey is instigated by your own effort only. No human being from outside can influence the outcome. That is decided by your own past karmas, intelligence, maturity and quest for the eternal truth, discovering which, there is nowhere else to travel.
It stops here!
Uma Kumar
September 27, 2024.
Spiritual Journal 